3 WAYS YOU MAY BE SABOTAGING YOUR AMERICAN DREAM
Over my years as a coach, one of the most often stated reasons people tell me they aren’t creating the lives they want, like achieving their American dreams, and the reason they are not happy is thinking it can never happen. They just don’t believe it’s achievable.
There are so many reasons why people lack this sense of possibility, but I‘m going to share with you the top three things I see in my practice and provide some insights on how to change them.
Not thinking and speaking empowering thoughts
Not feeling confident
Not feeling like they belong
The thoughts we entertain in our minds are powerful. They become the filter through which we experience our lives.
When we feed our minds negative thoughts, our words to others about our self-experience will be negative, and our results in life will also be negative.
How many times have you thought these thoughts?
“It’s because of my accent and the color of my skin that I didn’t get that interview.”
“I got that traffic ticket because I look different.”
“I am never going to achieve my dreams at this pace.”
I get it! You are not alone.
These are some of the thoughts my clients share with me and what I have gone through myself in my early days in the USA.
However, if you can catch your mind in thinking about those thoughts or saying those to others, pause and choose more powerful and empowering thoughts.
Not Thinking And Speaking Empowering Thoughts Thoughts like:
“How can I thrive in the face of racism in the USA? If others can do it, I can do it too.”
“I am an American citizen, and I have rights. How can I educate myself so I can exercise my rights?”
“Some dreams take time. How can I take the right actions to help me achieve my goals?”
Positive, reflective thoughts will start to increase your attitude as you get better solutions to the problems you encounter.
What are more empowering thoughts and words you can say today about a situation you are facing?
I understand. If you don’t feel like you belong somewhere, it’s natural to not feel confident to do things like the ones who feel as though they belong do. And most people who feel and act like they belong exude confidence. They talk, walk, and do everything with confidence, and if you are not in that headspace, they could be very intimidating to you. And we shrink when we have to speak up for ourselves, we shrink when we need to ask for that raise and promotion we have been working hard for, etc.
You get the point. You don’t have to be confident to start trying to feel confident. All you need is the smallest dose of courage and a dash of self-convincing thoughts.
Not Feeling Confident
Convincing thoughts like:
I am confident. If I wasn’t confident, I wouldn’t have acted on my thought to move to this country. I wouldn’t have taken all the risks I have taken to get here.
A move like that can’t be taken by someone who isn’t self-confident. So, I am already confident! The rest of the things I feel less confident about, I know I have the courage to learn about, and when I have more knowledge about it, I will feel more confident. If you don’t believe you are confident, no one will believe it either. With each self-talk, you remind yourself of things you have done in your life that only confident people do and empower yourself with encouraging thoughts that you will learn to feel confident in the areas you don’t feel confident in right now.
Set a time to have a good self-empowerment talk about how confident you are, believing it for real, and have an encouraging talk with yourself about something you feel less confident about.
“I am in a foreign land, and I can never be like the natives here,” rob you of the feeling of belonging to a great nation that can support you and your dreams. If you don’t feel like you belong, you might think there is no point in building your dreams.
Make sense? Naysayers and haters also contribute to you not feeling like you belong.
They tell you that you can’t do that!
That isn’t possible! You don’t belong here, go back to your country! They amplify your negative beliefs. Not Feeling Like You Belong.
You find those naysayers and haters everywhere. They could be among your friends, family, community, or workplace, and they all seem to predict your future. Some will tell you that you don’t belong outright, some people who are like you, other immigrants, will ask you, “Why are you hustling? You are going to leave it all tomorrow anyways, after all. Your real country is where you came from, this is just temporary. We are just Americans for the passport.” Some will say to you, “What you are dreaming about is not possible because you weren’t born here, don’t waste your time, we are proof it isn’t possible.” Their comments are filled with their own limitations, fears, and anxieties about what is possible. You start losing confidence in yourself and in your American dreams when you start believing those comments.
Instead of listening to your own negative thoughts or the naysayers and haters, start having positive self-talk that supports your dreams. Start acting like an American and exercise your rights. Know that you have the freedom to thrive if you work hard with focus and intention.
Look in your life for people or celebrities of color who were born in another country and who have made it and achieved their American dream. How can you model them?
Are you feeling stuck? Not sure what you want to change, but you know you need to change something? Have you felt like this isn’t the way you imagined things would go and wonder what happened to your dreams? Do you feel confused about where to begin to find that image of the great dream you had before you left your country of origin? How Can I Help?
Do you feel like you have lived in the western world for quite some time? You have the basics down, you have a job, housing, and a few friends, and yet are still so far away from achieving the dreams that keep you awake at night?
I get it, I was once in your shoes. I spent hours feeling frustrated on how to get to the other side of my dreams and hopes which felt far from me. I felt ashamed every year because I felt like I was wasting my life away without getting where I needed to be. Only surviving to pay the bills. I was worried I might never get there and maybe just settling for what I had was all I could do. As a cultural integration and empowerment coach, I work with my clients to shift these defeating beliefs, so they can see their lives and their potential in a whole new light.
I have had clients improve their relationships and their communications skills. They feel so confident and go after their dream business, nonprofit, creating their dream family life, being leaders in their community. They go after their American dreams. I would love to help you to feel like you belong, find your confidence to begin the process of creating the life you want to live. I want to help you achieve your American dream.
Schedule your free 15-minute session to see if you are the right fit for my one-on-one coaching or group coaching programs.